Left, and Gone
by Jingyee1511
Summary: "Don't go," Kagome breathed. I swallowed hard to control my own reactions, physical and mental both. Her breathing hitched, and tears began to fall. What's worse is that I knew how hurt she was, how scared she would be.  CHALLENGE FIC, ONESHOT. Set in WWI


**Left, and gone.**

A/N: I had this storyline in mind ever since the start of the semester, when I was doing war poems in Literature class- mainly inspired by the poems _Anthem Of Doomed Youth_ and _For the Fallen_. One of the lines from _dulce et decorum est_ also struck me hard, so here goes. However, the details I was going to include in the story only came into mind when I tried to write a challenge fic from the community _The Challenge: Inuyasha Style _, and got the two words _helmsman_ and _shrouding_ to work with. So here goes- a story set in world war one, even though I did not explicitly make reference to it... Reviews and critique appreciated. Thank you very much.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Inuyasha<em>**

"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori," I recited, kissing the worry off her forehead. Kagome bit her lip and stroked my face. If pictures could convey a thousand words, actions could bring miracles- such gentleness in the loving caress. Her lips called to my impulses… As it undoubtedly would, forever and ever. Just like how I was hers, only hers, she would be mine till the end of time.

Her eyes begged me not to leave, that much was obvious. I strode firmly to the door, resisting the irrepressible urge that rose up once more. We had been through this last night. Last week. The parting would hurt, undoubtedly.

_But I would leave._

Kagome's footsteps continued closely behind mine, her fingers trailing my arm. My heart thumped loudly once more- I wasn't getting immune to her little movements, even though we were together for a year already. It made me feel a little bit better about leaving. She was going to be here, waiting. Her heart would be with me, like mine would be with hers.

I glanced at the kitchen, where Mother would usually be at this time and felt my heart sink a little. Reminding myself that it was I who asked for some personal space with Kagome, I felt unsettled as I held the doorknob in my hands.

It would have been good to say at least a goodbye.

A little whimper escaped Kagome's throat, rooting me to the spot. Her breathing changed, and I could smell a hint of salt from her. I turned around at the threshold, looking deep into her eyes.

The chocolate brown eyes were swirling with sorrow.

An emotion rose in my chest, tingling all the way to my extremities. Her eyes met mine, and I barely registered her surprise and eagerness before my lips crashed onto hers. Her body moved fluidly against mine, responding to both our bodies' needs, our mind's wants. We were two bodies of the same entity.

My hands trailed over hers heatedly, hers tangled in my hair. Kagome's cheeks burned warmly on my flesh; both of us were on fire.

I wished it could last. I didn't want to pull away from her murmured whispers of my name, laced with longing. I didn't want to stop holding her, I wanted her. Bad.

It was more fervent than a kiss goodbye, beating even those she gave when I needed to leave town at times. It withheld more urgency, and it burned with more longing, on both our parts.

When we finally broke apart for oxygen, I beheld the dear angel I held in my arms. _My Kagome_.

I never deserved so much, but here she was.

"Don't go," Kagome breathed, pulling me against her soft form. I swallowed hard to control my own reactions, physical and mental both. Her breathing hitched, and tears began to fall. What's worse is that I _knew_ how hurt she was, how scared she would be. And _yet_, I had to leave.

For my _homeland_.

Not that the land would hold any purpose for me if the girl within my arms were to cease existing, I thought, with a slight sigh. As I held her close, I once more considered the possibility of staying back, of ignoring the war altogether- come what may! I would be good enough to ensure her safety.

But no. It was not my choice to make now.

Eventually, Kagome's breathing stabilised. I tilted her face softly to make our eyes meet.

_So many emotions._ So many things passed through that simple gaze.

I had to leave. Another minute and I know that I'd be unable to part from her again. I'd stay. My bonded blood opposed to leaving my mate as well. Yet for all the love I had for my Kagome, my mate, I had to.

I cringed as a spasm shot through my chest.

The door closed behind me with a soft snap, closing on Kagome. I trudged with my backpack away from the place I called my home, my sanctuary, leaving behind my love, my life.

At some point in time, I looked back to see Kagome trembling by the door, almost silently beckoning me back to her arms. Even from this distance, I could see the tears shining in her eyes. It hurt to know that my decision was hurting her.

But I dropped my gaze and walked out of the village.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Kagome<em>**

I only realised that I was on the floor when Izayo pulled me into her arms. Her eyes were sullen, what I imagined mine was like, and stroked my hair.

"Everything is fine," she murmured over and over again. Now I knew where Inuyasha got the habit from. A flashback of him holding me similarly set me off trembling, and Izayo held me tighter.

Eventually, my knees began to protest and Izayo led me to Inuyasha's- _my_- bedroom. I mumbled that I was fine, but the look on Izayo's face cut my words short.

I guess it was because she knew how it felt. No, she had been through worse, because Inuyasha's father was killed before her eyes. Much worse. Mine was merely anxiety, fear… Though it was amplified a hundredfold from whatever I was used to, as a mere human. As the mate of my hanyou, parting was like abandoning half of your being.

"I'll be outside, Kagome," Izayo's soothing voice said, as she treaded softly over to the door.

As soon as she was gone, I threw myself onto the bed. A hollowness gathered in my chest, the lack of anything made my insides ache. It was almost as if my chest could collapse anytime.

I reached over to the pillow, and a soft object pressed against my body. I pulled it out from beneath folded blankets, my face a slight frown as I wondered the foreign item could be- I knew the positions of all the objects in the room now, each scent that my human nose could identify...

In my hands was a soft plushie. _Not just any plushie,_ I realised with my heart pounding painfully in my hollow chest, as I held it dearly in front of me, eyes wide with surprise. _An _Inuyasha_ plushie._

The proportions were all right, and the hair on its miniature head exactly the same texture as Inuyasha's. Though its haori was not the right material, it was exactly the same shade of red. Not that I expected that Inuyasha would be able to cut a piece off his robe of the fire rat.

Hesitating slightly, I took the plushie, about the length of my forearm, up to my nose, inhaling deeply.

_It smells like Inuyasha as well..._

Clinging it closely to my chest, I sighed, the memories of the past coming back to me.

_They were born in the same village,but they didn't know each other well. To him, she was the daughter of Higurashi, a farmer, and to her, he was the son of the best tailor- Izayo- in the village. They had never set eyes on ech other before, him being a hanyou and ostracized, Izayo finally moved to a house on the very edge of the village._

_But Inuyasha wasn't going to be a tailor- not "women's work" for him. Young as he was, he had a lot of strength, products of both training and his youkai heritage. Higurashi, whose little boy was merely two, hired Inuyasha. His other child: Kagome._

It wasn't love at first sight, I mused reminiscently. Partly because of our ages. We were both twelve. Partly... because of our temperaments. I smiled again as my fingers traced the jawline of the miniature hanyou.

"_So you're Inuyasha?"_

_The raven haired girl sat on the fence near him. Apparently, she didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't in the mood to talk. Shovelling into the hard soil, his arms tired gradually. His throat was as dry as the soil beneath him, that was clear enough. The rough edge to his breathing every time he drew a breath._

_Inuyasha reached the end of the row. Straightening his back and throwing his head back, he glanced in the direction of the girl, and realised that she was gone._

_A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned against a tree beside him. Even with her human ears, she caught it. In the distance, her father was harvesting the crops._

_The job was tedious, but it paid well. Even better, his breakfast and lunch were provided for, something her father had never offered to any of the previous guys on the job. Maybe because he was just a boy. Maybe because Izayo had to fend for two people alone. But her father was always kind to the boy, and her mother also always gave him things to bring home. Homemade sweets, sometimes. Cookies and muffins as well, though it was usually a wedge of cake._

_His ears twitched as he sensed something flying towards him- almost on reflex, he caught it._

"_Ah, I was hoping it'd hit you."_

_Inuyasha's eyes opened and stared at the water bottle in his hand. Not looking at her, he drank the cool liquid till the last droplet. _

"_I'm not going to get thanks, am I?" she murmured, a reluctant smile on her face._

_Inuyasha's golden eyes met her brown ones. He said nothing, but placed the bottle gently down before returning to his work._

_He said nothing, but she got it._

There was a soft knock and Izayo appeared at the door. I smiled at my mother-in-law with the remnants of the smile from the memory, and Izayo returned it warmly. Heading towards me, she wrapped her arms around me.

"Inuyasha is quite good. I never did teach him," she said after a pause, gesturing to the plushie that rested on my hand. "I wonder how many nights he took to make it."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Kagome<em>**

_She had books to read at home, given by some relative of her mother, which she read out loud when Inuyasha was working. At first, it was at the request of her father, but after that, she just continued speaking, even when her father was not in the fields._

_There were novels of war, romance, adventure, literature, and she was not mistaken to see that Inuyasha's ears remained perked when she read. Sometimes when she didn't know how to pronounce a particular word, Inuyasha would glance over her shoulder and read it correctly for her. That was the first time she knew that Izayo had given the hanyou a schooling as well._

_They discussed books sometimes as he harvested the crops. Or rather, after digging from him the books that he'd read, she'd beg him to lend it to her, and they'd discuss it. Sometimes, Inuyasha commented on the books Kagome read aloud to him as well._

_It was no scholarly discussion nor was it a heart-to-heart talk, but at least, they spoke to each other._

_Sometimes, Inuyasha would give her a queer look, one which Kagome inferred was trying to understand why she didn't just go away. Not a frustrated look, more questioning. Not many girls will go into the hot sun, much less to be with him._

I worked the loom slowly and with the hand of an amateur as I recalled how we were in the past. Izayo sat beside me, stitching and sewing, guiding me along as I tried to make a piece of fabric the first time in my life.

"This is much harder than baking," I whispered, as Izayo's hand shot out to prevent me from getting it wrong. She smiled genially at me.

"You are only beginning, my dear. And my cooking doesn't parallel yours."

"And yet, Inuyasha-?"

"He's too observant."

I couldn't agree more.

_Father had left for war, not before getting extra help for the fields. Hojou. Inuyasha and Hojou didn't seem to get along well, perhaps because Hojou got to eat his meals in the Higurashi household as well._

_Then one morning, we got news about Father. He had died, apparently, before reaching the warfront. Of disease._

_Later in the day, Inuyasha came. And whatever I expected, I did not expect him to come in with flattened ears, hugging us mutely in turn. Mother cried, and so did I. And Inuyasha was there all the time- though he said nothing, he understood._

_From then on, we got closer._

I brought myself back to the present as my limited actions gave me pins and needles. Jumping up, I noticed that Izayo was already cooking. A wave of guilt rushed over me, as I went over to help her.

Of course, she was perfectly capable of cooking up mouth-watering meals. But the fact that she took up my usual duty made me feel like a burden. I was better than this. I had to hold myself together.

From the threshold of the kitchen, I looked back at the cloth on the loom. It was sort of silver, sort of white, a colour I picked for my first attempt. Izayo didn't object, even though the colour was relatively hard to come by... We both knew that it was the exact shade, just the exact shade the plushie's hair colour was. _Inuyasha's_.

For every thread that passed, I thought of Inuyasha, our past together, and wondered how he was. It was fitting, and I knew that Izayo would find solace in knowing that my anxiety was mellowed down.

Of course, though. I was seeking solace from feeling my mate's continued connection to me. My fingers trailed the mark on the hollow of my neck. I smiled.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Inuyasha<strong>_

They placed me in the navy, on a battleship that had a majority of humans. I had imagined very different warfare, that I would be on the battlefield, on land, fighting hand to hand combat. Now, I was on a ship. For the first time in my life.

Being a hanyou, I was not favoured by many of the men, nor the commanding officer in charge of the ship- the wolf demon called Koga. But it didn't matter. Practicality won. If they wanted a greater shot at living through this entire thing, it wasn't reasonable to make me cabin boy. They all knew that.

And it wasn't just strength and speed. When the sky was engulfed by the dark and humans stumbled around, blind without torches, I could still see. My sense of direction was better than most humans, the inexperienced ones, and deep down my instincts told me how to read the skies. I'd hear rumbling thunder before most of the crew, and my eyesight was only beaten by that of the officer, and the telescopes. When the humans could only function with a certain amount of sleep, I could work well enough with less.

I was given the task of helmsman, primarily because of my hanyou senses.

Tonight, I looked over the deck, my braided silver hair swinging behind my head as I turned to scan the horizon. The seas were calm, and there was no approaching threat. We were only due to start battle a week later. I had been on board for half a year.

My thoughts were on Kagome again. How I missed the wench...

_When her father died, the Higurashi family was at a loss. It was in this situation that, when being her willing source of strength, I finally realised what I was looking for. In the five years I had been with the Higurashis, Kagome had became more and more dear to me, every glance brewing an effect in my body that no one else I saw gave me. For every bit more beautiful and womanly she looked, the more my heart ached, for the more distant she became from me. In my mind, we were leagues apart._

_And whenever she was grieving over her father, I was there with a shoulder for her, with arms wide open for her. Even when her lying her head into my chest made my cheeks flush and heart race, I could not speak what I knew was true: I loved her._

My cheeks reddened in the chilly night air. I checked the seas for approaching warships, the skies for storms; when I was satisfied with my perfect steering skills, I dropped back into reminiscing.

_A bittersweet time, as I had to see suitors from the village ask for Kagome's hand in marriage, only to be turned made me wonder how I, a mere hanyou, could reach the benchmark of whatever she had in mind. _

_One night, when I was lying on Kagome's lap, watching the night with her, I found myself asking her: why did she turn them down?_

"_Half of them good looking, half of them relatively well to do. Even Hojou, who actually knows you well... But you turn them all down. You're planning to be an old maid, wench?"_

_Kagome gave me a queer expression, sighing softly as her fingers trailed to the white triangles on my head._

"_Most of them are only out for Father's property. Besides, I know what I want, and Mother knows and respects my decision," she said, as her fingers began rubbing my ears. "Furthermore, someone has already set a benchmark, one which none of them can cross."_

_My body tingled- in response to either the sensual rubbing or the words from her mouth._

_I looked up at Kagome, my jaws clenched tight to fight the instincts that threatened to engulf me. She saw the conflict in my eyes and let go, but the hunger was barely suppressed in my eyes_

_It went beyond the fact that I was male and the effects of her rubbing my ears. It went beyond the fact that she smelt good, looked great and would make a good mate._

_I wanted her. I wanted her because, besides her, I didn't want anyone else- I loved Kagome._

_If she wanted me to die for her right now, I'd do it. If the right thing to do was to leave her unclaimed and seek happiness with some human male, I would let go. If it'd hurt me to stay beside her, but she wanted me to, I would._

"_Then would you marry me, Kagome?" I asked quietly, getting up from her lap and facing her face squarely. "I cannot ensure that you will live a good life with me, and I don't have much to offer you... All that is mine you would own too, except my heart. That you already have."_

_I watched as her face flushed a little, and she leaned up to me._

"_You already know that the benchmark is you," she murmured, eliciting a smile from me."Of course, Inuyasha. You've taken long enough."_

_If I ever risked drowning in emotions, it was then. As my lips closed around hers, it was the perfect sensation of belonging. The whispered breaths of her name, my name, satisfied sighs from both of us..._

_A start of something new. The full indulgence of the love our connected souls felt long before our minds came to the same understanding._

My body tingled with the emotions stuck in the memory, my eyes darting around to check if anyone saw the pinkish tinge on my cheeks. No one.

I froze as my eyes picked up a small dot on the horizon. Jamming the telescope into my eyes, I felt my heart stuck in his throat.

Officer Koga appeared behind me.

"Noticed it, hanyou?" he asked, his body language tense. "Rouse the men. We're preparing for battle."

* * *

><p><em>A weave after another, the thread going to and fro before her eyes. With every movement of the silve thread, Kagome worried for Inuyasha, prayed for him, and kept his memory alive. The last portion wasn't hard to do- even without the mark on her neck, the plushie's constant presence reminded him of his presence in her heart, and was almost a charm for her.<em>

_A promise, almost, that he'd return._

_Her Inuyasha._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Kagome<em>**

"What are you planning to do with it?"

I considered that, a playful smile on my features. I had been considering it for some time, which was perhaps why I took so long to finish making it. The long piece of fabric, wonderfully soft and silky- just like his hair...

It'd clash terribly with Inuyasha's hair, I know. But it was almost fitting for me to make a piece of clothing for him with the fabric that I had so painstakingly weaved. Or maybe something for me to wear for him? I felt my heart pick up as I considered making a nightdress for myself with the material, something that would make Inuyasha's jaw drop, or make the night he returned more memorable...

"Hey- Kagome?"

Souta's voice brought me back to reality, and I reigned in my thoughts. Mother smiled at me, giving me the sensation, as always, that she knew the lines of which I was thinking along.

I averted my eyes, concentrating on the cake I was baking. The scent of chocolate made my stomach growl and I resisted licking my fingers.

I was on some weird high today, somehow, the first time in quite a long while. I had a talk with Mother, a long heart-to-heart that we did not have since Father died. For a long while, she couldn't bear to be reminded of him, breaking into tears so often, as I did. But I had Inuyasha to tide it over with me... And after that time, Inuyasha became such an important part of my life that the pain that Father's passing brought was muted.

Still, taking this bit of my past off my shoulders made me feel better, less tense. Though my anxiety from Inuyasha's continued absence was far from alleviated.

Inuyasha... made me smile again, and smile an infinite number of times. He was my soulmate, my other half- and as the youkais speak of it: _my mate_.

At that moment, Souta, who was sitting by the window, looked around and gestured for me to go over.

Our house was situated on such that each window opened out to different things. There was one overlooking the fields, and one facing the village square. There was one window that welcomed the afternoon sun, but this one allowed an unobstructed view of Izayo's house.

My heart thumped hard as I saw a uniform-clad male at the doorstep of the cottage that Izayo shared with me and Inuyasha.

"Strange. I don't think it is Inuyasha..."

I paid no heed to him, my mind going getting incoherent. I only suddenly realised why I felt unstable for the last week, with emotions on extreme ends of the spectrum…

Too many thoughts raced through my head, adrenaline raced through my veins, and my eyes hurt from scanning the surroundings so quickly and urgently as I ran towards home.

I don't know what I was looking out for.

As I ran up to the door, the man came out, looking slightly surprised as I almost ran him over. But otherwise, his face held no information for me to infer, and I pushed past him into the house.

I saw Izayo's figure on the armchair, and an empty sensation filled my chest once more. Almost like vacuum. I kneeled by her feet, slowly lifting my eyes to hers.

Her expression was a blow to my heart. Everything came crushing down.

"Inuyasha-?" I whispered, my voice sounding cracked even to my own ears.

"He's not coming back, Kagome."

Izayo's body rocked as emotions overwhelmed her, the tears which had been surpressed cascading down her pale cheeks. But I was only mildly aware of that, as my face and head tingled, buzzing so loudly that I could not hear my own breathing.

As my eyes filled with tears that burned, Inuyasha's face loomed into my mind, further tearing my heart into pieces.

I don't know what I expected, but suddenly the weight of the loss from the war came to me.

I lost my father.

I lost my love. He, who helped to piece me back, to make me whole again, to bring meaning back into my life, who made it worth living for.

My Inuyasha.

Gone.

* * *

><p>It weighed in her heart, both their hearts- one mourning for her son, one mourning for her mate.<p>

It didn't help that they had no body to bury, no body to cry over. Every moment they thought of him, the only evidence of his passing was the gaping whole in their chest, one that made their every breath short, and burned at their heart. Tears, uncountable, filled and seeped out from beneath their eyelids. They tried to keep it to themselves, Izayo and Kagome… But the tension in the air only built up. Saturated with guilt, grief, regret…

It took time before they could move again- their basic needs of food and water unfelt for a long while, and an even longer time before they could return to their original routines. They didn't speak to each other, and neither did they allow their fellow villagers to speak to them about Inuyasha's passing. Not even opening up to Kagome's mother.

The shades were drawn every day at dusk.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Kagome<em>**

I stood on the cliff, overlooking the sea.

The waves crashed onto the rocks somewhere down below, a peaceful rhythm that calmed my mind. The wind blew gently in my face.

I looked up at the blue sky, breathing in deeply. Under this same sky, he was, somewhere. Somehow, that thought made my body tingle.

The deep blue water looked serene beneath me.

_Inuyasha. He was somewhere in the ocean as well._ My heart burned, and the fire trailed all the way to my neck. Touching the mark with my icy cold hands, the mark Inuyasha left me continued trobbing, my head pounding harder, my heart in raw pieces, as if it was newly torn again. As if it wasn't already in a million shattered pieces by now.

I wondered how I managed to act normal for so long. Every second I was thinking of him. Even as my body naturally shied away from the memories which threatened to drive me off the edge, I could not stop thinking about him. The link between our souls was not broken, but rather torn apart, bleeding. Since mating, he and I were more one than I could have ever imagined…

And in his death, it was not just the death of my love, I realise it now. Half of me was killed with him, and the rest of me was being eaten away by the strength of our bond.

"_Don't go," Kagome moaned, as she crumpled into a heap in Inuyasha's lap. Inuyasha's heart protested at seeing his mate so miserable, immediately enveloping her in his arms. Inuyasha didn't waver in his decision, however, because he was counting on himself returning alive. But how his heart ached…_

"_Inuyasha, you know that the separation would be an emotional ordeal for both of you," Izayo said, appearing at the threshold of the door. "You two are newly bonded, and you know that would be the time when your blood is strongest…" She trailed away, though Kagome could almost hear what Izayo thought- and if you die, you'll kill her. Without your child, how could she pull through such a loss?_

_Inuyasha's eyes cast down at the beautiful face of his mate, and his heart thumped faster._

"_Mother," he murmured after a while, "Can you give us some personal time tonight?"_

_Kagome raised her eyes, surprise flitting through her brown orbs. Izayo nodded, and whispered that she would be at the Higurashi house. They said nothing, not until they heard the front door snap shut._

"_Inuyasha…"_

_He said nothing but succumbed to their bodies' needs, allowing not lust but ardour to break through. Kagome responded just as passionately, their combined senses burning through the mark on her neck back to his body. _

_They were made for each other._

_Kagome knew that in this way, it was his form of goodbye. They both needed to feel their mate like this one last time, until who-knew-how-long… That this memory would be one of the sweetest, to tide them through the separation. _

"_You will come back to me," Kagome said, between gasps, as Inuyasha's teeth pulled at her lips, his body moving against hers._

"_Yes," he whispered hoarsely into her ear, making her body tingle pleasantly. "I love you, Kagome." _

I shivered, and unfolded the fabric I had weaved. My face twisted as a spasm shot through my heart, when I realised what it was good for. A shroud. Inuyasha's.

My heart twisted in pain again.

It was fitting, though. The piece of fabric that I had woven while thinking of him.

_Silver, like Inuyasha's hair._

I relinquished the fabric to the wind, and the cloth flew away towards the ocean. At some point of time, it landed in the water.

A silver patch, floating on the dark blue water, sinking gradually out of sight.

I walked shakily to the very edge, as icy daggers shot through my mark, to my heart. With every step I took, the breathing calmed, and it was almost as if he was calling for me from below.

_We'll be together again._

My foot went over the edge.

As I fell, I could almost feel his arms embrace me, the sensation in my mark more pronounced than ever. Memories of our time together, the hard times and the beautiful times, flashed across my mind.

In my mind's eye, I saw him smiling gently at me, albeit remorseful, regretful.

I smiled back at him.

The icy sea pulled me under.

* * *

><p><em>Two plushies sat on the mantelpiece, facing each other, hands on the other's, their bodies touching. One of them, silver haired, in a red haori, and the other, a raven haired girl with brown eyes. In the background, a verse from a poem written after their time was pinned.<em>

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:  
>Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.<br>At the going down of the sun and in the morning  
>We will remember them.<p> 


End file.
